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Q:  I have a home page that I cannot get rid of. I set Bing as my home page but when I go to IE, the “aartemis portal site” opens up. Ran virus scans with Nortons and malware scans. It is still there. I can’t find it anywhere to delete it. Any ideas? 

– Roger M.
DeFuniak Springs, Florida

A:  You have more than a home page problem, Roger.  You have a malware infestation.  These so-called “portal” sites have been popping up in various forms with increasing frequency lately, and it is beyond me why the more popular anti-virus utilities seem incapable of eradicating these easily-defeatable threats.  I have covered removal of at least two different portal types in the last six months or so, Roger, so I don’t think I should dedicate any more column space to it.  Please Google “artemis portal removal” and you should get all the instructions that I could give you, plus a whole lot more.

Q: My computer is so slow going from website to website. I suspect a virus or maybe malware but don’t know how to look for or remove them. Every time I click to go to a new site I get a MS pop up that asks if I want to view the site securely. This is something new and it’s frustrating. I have Cox mid-speed internet and have downloaded Security Essentials to protect my computer. Also I keep getting asked if I want to download a new version of Adobe Reader but I say no because a couple weeks ago, when all this started, I said yes and some weird software loaded on my workstation that put some guy’s face in my browser bar and it kept asking me questions when I was navigating like “are you sure you want to do (whatever I was attempting to do)?” I went into add/remove programs and removed things that had been recently loaded and the guys face went away, but since then using my computer has been so frustratingly slow I just want to throw it out the window. I have cleared my cookies, run disk cleanup and defrag but these steps haven’t helped. Is my computer a goner? I really can’t afford to buy a new one.  I probably haven’t given you enough to go on but maybe you can recommend something to help me. If you do house calls and want to help and don’t charge an arm and a leg please let me know. I’d be happy to pay a moderate service charge to have this fixed.  Please don’t use my name if you print this in the paper as I feel so stupid. Thank you so much for any help you can provide.

– Name and City Withheld

A: My goodness, you nameless, genderless person who doesn’t live anywhere!  You are being mighty tough on yourself!  Don’t you read this column on a regular basis?  Your issues (and you) are no more or less “stupid” than any of the other questions I answer here.  I’ve said before, Microsoft seems to writes their products as if they think that every single person that uses them has a Master’s Degree in Computer Science.  This leaves most people clueless in the face of meaningless error messages.  So, don’t be down on yourself because you’re having some problems – you’re no different than most other people.  Just say out loud “Thanks a lot, Bill!” (try it – it’s cathartic) then write to The Geek!

To address your questions: no, your computer is not a “goner”.  Any computer can be brought back – no matter how badly corrupted – by a simple wipe and restore of the hard drive (but I don’t think yours is that far gone).  If you’re not up to the repair task, there are lots of companies that will do it for you for a nominal charge.  But no – I’m not one of them.  I get offers like yours all the time, and I have neither the time, nor the infrastructure to do computer repairs as a sideline.  As for the guy in your toolbar, I wouldn’t let that stop you from downloading Adobe Reader.  You obviously got rid of him easily when it happened, and I presume you can do so again if it happens.  Adobe is an easy vector for malware infestation, and should be updated whenever a new version is available.  Just be sure you read all the boxes that come up, and uncheck anything that offers to install software that you don’t want.

MEET THE GEEK: For those of you readers local to the Fort Walton Beach, Florida metro area, mark your calendars now and plan to come out to the 8^th Annual Computer Tech Expo, taking place at the Niceville campus of Northwest Florida State College on February 8^th.  This year’s expo will feature topics focusing on the hottest technology trends, such as iPad, Android, and Windows 8, with presentations looking at both OS features and apps.  I will be there, of course, running a Q&A session in which I will attempt to answer your off-the-cuff questions that I would normally spend a good amount of time researching and testing solutions for before publishing them in my column, which is always fun.  Visit nwfacug.org for an event schedule and complete list of speakers and presenters.